Dear Ginny,
Please remember this blog post in the future.
Do not let your crazy, clock-ticking hormones talk to much. Trust your instinct about men. Recognized that sometimes stereotypes exist for really, really good reasons. (Like---your instinct about cops and their strange, fucked-up emotions-----you were right about that.)
Things will be easy one day. When the time is right, your very own McDreamy will come along and things will be the way they are supposed to be.
One day, when the time is right, you will be able to hold a kid in your arms and it will be the result of all of this wonderful growing you are doing right now. It will be the result of that "void" and the potential for something else to grow. (see previous blog entry)
You got some ass and it was good. Finally---you got some good ass. Now move on. You live in a city now, and what a fine city it is! There are so many opportunities here. You love your new living situation, and your dog is incredible. (And beautiful. And has all the qualities you wish you had...) Your social life is starting to bubble to the surface. Things are all falling in place.
Now. Buck up. Embrace this annoying feeling you have about police occifer. Be the person you know you are, which is lovely. And move on!
With much, much love,
Self.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Void is Love
Some of us think that holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
-Hermann Hesse
In high school, we had to read Siddhartha. I think it is time to visit the used book store and pick up another copy. This Hesse quote isn't from Siddhartha, but whatev.
I am learning about Jewish ideas about love and I must say----those are some damn beautiful ideas.
Kabbalah teaches us that G-d is infiniate light. There is no start and stop to Hashem (G-d)----Hashem has always existed. In this infinate light, Hashem created a void. This was the first act of love. He removed light. In that void existed the potential for imperfection. And from that potential the world was created. The void allowed possibility.. Hashem had to create this void---this imperfection----so that we would exist. We come from void, from potential, from imperfection. For something else.
When we have something else in our life we are embracing imperfection. Hashem allowed imperfection. When I think about what I want in a relationship, I think about imperfection---how I must learn to love imperfection. One of the ultimate acts of love is to love DESPITE. Let us ackowledge our void. Let us allow for something else.
Hold those ideas. I am cradling them; meditating on the beauty of this powerful idea.
To fall in love, we must create voids within our own lives for something else.
Back to the Hesse quote. This year, ex-boyfriend and I made a mutual decision to let go. I removed him from my life, he removed me from his. When I tell people that it was a mutual decision, I get rolling eyes. Yeah, rights. If you say-sos. The reality remains: what a beautiful experience our relationship was. How painful. How tumultuous. What great lessons were learned. Ex-boyfriend always thought of himself as a weak person. I always wanted him to see the strength. I am holding this Hesse quote, cradling it, meditating on the beauty of the powerful idea. I hope ex-boyfriend finds the strength he needs in his own life.
Moving on. Void. Something else. Potential. Purpose.
I have been seeing someone for about a month. Police Occifer. He is very, very opposite from me. There is something about our time together that is a balance. Right now, at this moment in my life, he is the something else. I don't want to say he is filling a void. I am not in love. Maybe I am falling. But I don't want to make that determination right now. Right now, Occifer provides me with healing touch. With antithesis. With a good pace and ticklish touches and forhead kisses and something fucking different in my life. Conversations and ideas that I am not comfortable with. Roaming hands, good morning foot massages. Please put your fingers in my hair. And I will touch your masculine, huge, rough hands.
Let me cradle these moments in my life.
-Hermann Hesse
In high school, we had to read Siddhartha. I think it is time to visit the used book store and pick up another copy. This Hesse quote isn't from Siddhartha, but whatev.
I am learning about Jewish ideas about love and I must say----those are some damn beautiful ideas.
Kabbalah teaches us that G-d is infiniate light. There is no start and stop to Hashem (G-d)----Hashem has always existed. In this infinate light, Hashem created a void. This was the first act of love. He removed light. In that void existed the potential for imperfection. And from that potential the world was created. The void allowed possibility.. Hashem had to create this void---this imperfection----so that we would exist. We come from void, from potential, from imperfection. For something else.
(sometimes Judaism reminds me of Deism...though I don't think G-d abandoned us...)
When we have something else in our life we are embracing imperfection. Hashem allowed imperfection. When I think about what I want in a relationship, I think about imperfection---how I must learn to love imperfection. One of the ultimate acts of love is to love DESPITE. Let us ackowledge our void. Let us allow for something else.
Hold those ideas. I am cradling them; meditating on the beauty of this powerful idea.
To fall in love, we must create voids within our own lives for something else.
Back to the Hesse quote. This year, ex-boyfriend and I made a mutual decision to let go. I removed him from my life, he removed me from his. When I tell people that it was a mutual decision, I get rolling eyes. Yeah, rights. If you say-sos. The reality remains: what a beautiful experience our relationship was. How painful. How tumultuous. What great lessons were learned. Ex-boyfriend always thought of himself as a weak person. I always wanted him to see the strength. I am holding this Hesse quote, cradling it, meditating on the beauty of the powerful idea. I hope ex-boyfriend finds the strength he needs in his own life.
Moving on. Void. Something else. Potential. Purpose.
I have been seeing someone for about a month. Police Occifer. He is very, very opposite from me. There is something about our time together that is a balance. Right now, at this moment in my life, he is the something else. I don't want to say he is filling a void. I am not in love. Maybe I am falling. But I don't want to make that determination right now. Right now, Occifer provides me with healing touch. With antithesis. With a good pace and ticklish touches and forhead kisses and something fucking different in my life. Conversations and ideas that I am not comfortable with. Roaming hands, good morning foot massages. Please put your fingers in my hair. And I will touch your masculine, huge, rough hands.
Let me cradle these moments in my life.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Beautiful Blog World
http://craftastrophe.net/
http://www.socialluxelounge.com/blogluxe/
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/
I am haunted by narcissism. This is OK with me---it is what it is. Blogging is a medium for my vice, sometimes. But if you take a look at the fierce talent that is swimming around on the internet, you will find underneath the total crap beautiful, beautiful journals of the most amazing, incredible, talented people.
Coincidentally enough, the most beautiful writing is coming from women. My first blog obsessions were with these two lovely ladies:
http://ilikeseamonsters.com/
http://mypapercrane.com/
These two women (whom I have had the pleasure to meet) inspired me to blog again...years ago. I come and go. But they both brought so much creative inspiration in my life. Not only did their own blogging journeys encourage me to write (former blog will NOT be posted---sorry, dudes!) but their writing also helped me in my personal journey toward self-love.
And now these new blogs enter my daily reading and I must pass the info to you.
May you drink deeply. (name that book...i dare you...)
http://www.socialluxelounge.com/blogluxe/
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/
I am haunted by narcissism. This is OK with me---it is what it is. Blogging is a medium for my vice, sometimes. But if you take a look at the fierce talent that is swimming around on the internet, you will find underneath the total crap beautiful, beautiful journals of the most amazing, incredible, talented people.
Coincidentally enough, the most beautiful writing is coming from women. My first blog obsessions were with these two lovely ladies:
http://ilikeseamonsters.com/
http://mypapercrane.com/
These two women (whom I have had the pleasure to meet) inspired me to blog again...years ago. I come and go. But they both brought so much creative inspiration in my life. Not only did their own blogging journeys encourage me to write (former blog will NOT be posted---sorry, dudes!) but their writing also helped me in my personal journey toward self-love.
And now these new blogs enter my daily reading and I must pass the info to you.
May you drink deeply. (name that book...i dare you...)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Here.
1. Moved to Toco Hills. My house is Kosher.
2. Love my new room. My desk looks out into the back yard. Deep, lush forrest.
3. No more dog walks. I just let her out my door.
4. Hillel madness starts soon.
5. Dating someone. I like him. It is casual.
2. Love my new room. My desk looks out into the back yard. Deep, lush forrest.
3. No more dog walks. I just let her out my door.
4. Hillel madness starts soon.
5. Dating someone. I like him. It is casual.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Small picture post.
SATAN: This was the amazing food Nicole and I ordered from Mary Mac's this weekend. This historic Atlanta hot spot has the best southern food EVER. EVER EVER.
Nicole and I had such a great day together on Sunday. Yay for roommate bonding! We discovered Little Five Points together, ate at Vortex for lunch, Mary Mac's for dinner....ATLANTA IS AMAZING.
Even the graffiti in Atlanta can be beautiful...
OH---isn't this picture of Pepita pathetic? This is her new "I don't want to wake up in the morning" pose....LOVE IT!
Mary Mac's Tea Room....I really liked this picture!
LOOK AT THAT FACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE......
Monday, July 27, 2009
The World Is Better Because You Are Here: KBeth and Chee
I am such a blessed person!
During high school, I had weird friendships. I spent a lot of time and energy on being friends with two people who, quite frankly, didn't deserve my friendship. It wasn't until my senior year that I became close with Chena and her cousin Krista.
These two women are nothing short of phenomenal.
Chena is one of the most resilient people I have ever met. She is solid---or at least gives people the impression that she is full of confidence and the ability to bounce back. Often quiet, she is a thinker before a talker, pragmatic, displays her femininity in unique strides (I need a haircut, Chee!) and is incredibly intentional about her friendship and love. She doesn't know this (but she will now), but her voice is ALWAYS in my head when I go through guy troubles. One day in pottery class, we were talking about relationships and she made some comment about always being comfortable single---about considering a life being single and being your own best friend. When she said it, it was much cheekier than how I am rephrasing it, but the conversation and her deep wisdom has stayed with me through the years, often being the source of my own resliency.
And KBeth. She is by far one of the most intelligent women I have ever met. Her nose is always in a book, and what is more promising is that she RETAINS EVERYTHING. She reads GOOD STUFF, sees the insight. She is also quiet and graceful. Her wisdom and insight into the small actions in the world always leaves me with so much to reflect upon and think about. She is loyal, rolls with life's punches, a hopeless romantic, and possesses an ease that can bring me down to earth.
Yet, I have only seen these two phenomenal women a handful of times in the past 10 years. We started a little Thanksgiving tradition a few years back---we always meet at Hardings---the great country diner down the road from my parent's house. We exchange periodic emails.
But no matter what, I know they are in the world. I know that no matter how much we do or do not talk, they are of the deepest friendship. We can just find somewhere to sit and catch up on things. I love them. So deeply.
The world is better because they are here.
During high school, I had weird friendships. I spent a lot of time and energy on being friends with two people who, quite frankly, didn't deserve my friendship. It wasn't until my senior year that I became close with Chena and her cousin Krista.
These two women are nothing short of phenomenal.
Chena is one of the most resilient people I have ever met. She is solid---or at least gives people the impression that she is full of confidence and the ability to bounce back. Often quiet, she is a thinker before a talker, pragmatic, displays her femininity in unique strides (I need a haircut, Chee!) and is incredibly intentional about her friendship and love. She doesn't know this (but she will now), but her voice is ALWAYS in my head when I go through guy troubles. One day in pottery class, we were talking about relationships and she made some comment about always being comfortable single---about considering a life being single and being your own best friend. When she said it, it was much cheekier than how I am rephrasing it, but the conversation and her deep wisdom has stayed with me through the years, often being the source of my own resliency.
And KBeth. She is by far one of the most intelligent women I have ever met. Her nose is always in a book, and what is more promising is that she RETAINS EVERYTHING. She reads GOOD STUFF, sees the insight. She is also quiet and graceful. Her wisdom and insight into the small actions in the world always leaves me with so much to reflect upon and think about. She is loyal, rolls with life's punches, a hopeless romantic, and possesses an ease that can bring me down to earth.
Yet, I have only seen these two phenomenal women a handful of times in the past 10 years. We started a little Thanksgiving tradition a few years back---we always meet at Hardings---the great country diner down the road from my parent's house. We exchange periodic emails.
But no matter what, I know they are in the world. I know that no matter how much we do or do not talk, they are of the deepest friendship. We can just find somewhere to sit and catch up on things. I love them. So deeply.
The world is better because they are here.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Oh. One More Thing...
Totally forgot to mention that this is how I am spending my Sunday: http://www.kangaroocenter.com/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
